Archive for the ‘TV and Movies’ Category

I stumbled into Die Hard 4.0 (as it was weakly called here in Australia) about seven minutes late and apparently having missed a fair slice of action. I didn’t care though: it was a movie I’d been looking forward to for quite a while, and it didn’t disappoint me. For a large part of the movie I had to switch my brain off, yes. I had to accept the scene where John McClane crashes a car into a helicopter, or runs along the wings of a fighter jet… and this I could do.

But now we reach the dangers of reading too much on the internet. I think, to some extent, it takes the fun out of movies. Not that I read spoilers or plot points, but I did stumble across the fact that Die Hard 4 was edited down to a PG rating in the US. So since I was looking for it, I noticed it. I missed John McClane using swear words like it’s a second language. I missed the uncensored ‘yippie ki-aye’s that were so sincere in previous movies where dying was hard. And yes, the action was excessive at times to the point where it was unrealistic. Despite this, it’s probably not saying much for cinema this year, but hey - best movie so far this year that I’ve seen. Actually, maybe that doesn’t say much for me.

Bruce Willis gets covered in blood, and needs to be given a comfy seat and a blanket. The hacker guy didn’t try and sell me a mac. The special effects weren’t as cheesy and bad as Transformers (Hoo boy, now I’m in for it…).

One worrying fact is that Hollywood isn’t letting Bruce Willis rest. Or Harrison Ford. Or Sylvester Stallone (although I think most of us would prefer it if he stopped). It seems we have no decent upcoming action heroes, so we’re currently relying on the old guard to get us through the decade. I’m genuinely serious about this - I think The Rock missed his chance, and Brendan Frasier is too pretty to have the crap beaten out of him and still be appealing. Help me out, people: am I missing something?

I’m going to stand up and say it loud, say it proud: I am so glad that I didn’t waste money on seeing this movie. You can interpret that however you like it - a friend may have paid for a ticket, or I may be indulging in pirate copies - I’ll leave it up to your imagination. But there is no way to deny that when I saw the word ‘Hasbro’ at the start of the movie, I felt a chill up my spine. Not since the days of Barbie has a movie based on a toy line been so widely anticipated.

The transformers didn’t look remotely convincing. Shia LaBouf is meant to be the next Tom Hanks - lets see him act with a dog ‘Turner and Hooch’ style, it isn’t going to happen!

At the start of the film, Shia is trying to flog all his grandfather’s stuff, what is essentially priceless family heirlooms, literally from the 1840s, to get his car payments. This ends in bad news, his teacher gives him an overly generous grade, goes home, trips over a foosball table that he has in his room, puts his gear down near one of at least three computers that are loitering around the room… I mean, hello Shia, if you’re trying to raise a bit of coin, you think maybe there are other things you can sell!?

And you’d think the movie would get very ‘Hulk smash’ with giant robots and cities being in the way. And while it does get like this towards the end, Michael Bay seems to be way more interested stuffing around with a nerd who’s trying to score action with a hot chick! Let me tell you something people, I was a nerd in high school, and if you think that the hot girl is going to realise that she doesn’t want the rich muscly football jock with the nice car and would much rather be with the nerdy guy who’s in a beaten up old smoke belching thing, clambering for her boobs and making lame excuses about seatbelts, then hey, you’re in for a shock. My encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek got me nothing in high school!

And when you think about it, the ending couldn’t have been more creepier if it tried. What’s with Optimus Prime and the rest of the perverts loitering around while Shia gets it on with the hot chick on Bumblebee’s chest? That is very weird. That is very ‘Eight Transformers of Interest’ right there.

Like quite a large amount of people on the web, I watched Heroes with somewhat an avid amount of attention. Every episode made me interested enough to tune into the next, which is exactly what a television series wants, but I couldn’t help but feel that it turned out to be more of a soap opera show then it should have been. I mean, really, these people have super powers. What would be the first thing you’d do if you had super powers?

Me? I’d go for the cool costume. I’d start making a name for myself. I’d right the wrongs. I’d live for a sigh, I’d die for a kiss. I suppose a few of the characters, Peter most notably, tried to do this (sans costume, of course). But really they kind of took the fun out of it.

Oh, and come on, you’re meant to be superheroes! Over the entire course of the season, no one seemed even inclined to pick up a dumpster and throw it at someone, and there was Nikki clearly possessing the power to do so. Plus if you’re mutating genes, is it such a stretch that some of these people wouldn’t look entirely human?

So here’s my idea for a super hero. Tim Kring, feel free to take notes.

He’s called the Sandman, or alternatively (because Spiderman fans might have something to say about that), the Sleepwalker. Pretty much he’s a character that only has the powers to fight evil when he’s asleep - as a result he isn’t even aware of the fact. He’d wear a sleep mask, and a blanket tied around his shoulders as a cape. He’s got a theme song already lined up, courtesy of the band ‘America’ (I understand you’ve been running from a man that goes by the name of the Sandman). So in a way, he’s a bit like Isaac, as in he needs a catalyst in order to access his powers. Maybe over the course of the season he would actually work out that he has superpowers. Heck, he can even have a dark, sinister side - after all, it is dangerous to wake a sleepwalker.

You’ve got to admit, it’s one superpower that hasn’t been done yet…

When I walked out of Spiderman 3, I quite liked the movie. I enjoyed the action, I enjoyed the drama, we seemed to make a good team, the ol’ movie and audience.

But then I talked to a friend about it. And I thought about it. The more I thought about it, the weirder it seems that I’d like the movie. Sure, there were likable parts, but there were also parts that weren’t so good, and a couple which made it into the ‘weird and disturbing’ category (almost exclusively inhabited by an emo dance scene). It could really have done with a few reels missing. I was getting uncomfortable in my seat at times, I felt like going out and doing some banking!

Then there were all the things that didn’t make sense. There were plenty. I’m just going to list a few, but feel free to chime in with your own in the comments, and I’ll edit this. Because some of this needs to be said.

1. If Sandman was so intent on getting money for his daughter, why didn’t he turn around and sue the scientific mob who had the experiment going and are essentially responsible for him becoming a pile of sand? If someone can break into a house, injure themselves, and sue the homeowners, then surely Sandman has grounds for a legal case. You can’t get an erection when you’re made of sand. It isn’t going to work. There’s something to start you, sandy!
2. Didn’t Peter Parker’s neighbours get suspicious when they saw Spiderman jumping out of the window at regular intervals? Because really, they can’t miss it all the time. Wouldn’t at least one of them think ‘hey, that Spiderman sure hangs around at Peter Parker’s place a lot…’
3. Why did the black space goo decide to target Peter Parker specifically? Why did it hang around his apartment for a few days before making its move? Was it taking in the sites of the city, seeing the statue of liberty, watching daytime television, taking the subway…
4. Did Green Goblin Jr. have a plan to get at Spiderman beyond messing with his love life in a rather lame fashion? After provoking Spiderman and getting the snot beaten out of him (again), that was pretty much it. And what was the deal with the ‘amnesia’ storyline if it was just buying time? The better option was to write him out near the start of the movie with a bit of jail time and come back later, scars and all, but willing to work with Peter for the sake of Mary Jane. While he was in there, he could meet the Sandman. They could plot a breakout together.

Better movie? I think so.

Spoiler warning for the end of the season of Lost. I mean it. Big time.

This morning, I watched the last episode of Lost for third season. It ended rather strongly, I was surprised by a few things, all in all… it’s left me looking forward to the next season some time in 2008. So that’s all good.

Charlie’s death was a brave move that’s been building for the entire season. So while I hoped it would happen and they wouldn’t chicken out of it, it brings a bit of a lost oppurtunity to Lost. In fact, the character of Charlie has been an entire lost oppurtunity from start to finish - and that’s in the music he could have provided.

Dominic Monaghan (who plays Charlie) can play the guitar. So why didn’t they let him? Every now and then he turned up with it and belt out a few chords, but extremely infrequently. The only song I’ve actually seen him bash out is “Wonderwall” by Oasis (and don’t get me started about Oasis, they bought out four songs with slightly changed music).

If they wanted a musician in Lost, they should have gone the whole nine yards with it and cast someone like Jack Johnson or Donavon Frankenreiter. Someone who could embody the feelgood nature of the island, follow the characters around with a guitar and just sing. Back in the first season, before Hurley’s discman ran out of batteries, we got music montages. Now it seems like they’ve stopped trying.

The finale for this season was screaming for it - right at the point where Jack successfully used the satellite phone would be the point where Jack Johnson would have pulled out his guitar and started playing ‘Cupid’. You’d have the Losties cheering and celebrating, while Jack starts spinning as the camera pulls away from him in the air. Someone telling the people on the beach with the radio, and them rejoicing. Desmond looking at the dead Charlie through the hatch door window, and a tear rolling down his face. Then it cuts to Jack’s ‘flashback’ and the song’s playing on the radio, and he switches it off. Nice tie in there?

But no, Charlie has died a noble death (at the hands of the Beach Boys, no less), and it just leaves me wondering what could have been, if they actually had a guitarist character that they decided to put to use…