‘The Saga. Can’t do it. Not Today.’

The Millenium Compliant (along with all aboard) is tractor beamed into the fast food fly-thru to order their food. Unfortunately for them, as they come up with a plan to save the princess, Darth Vapour feels a disturbance in the force…

Starring:
Lawrence Aitchison as Narrator, Lube Skystalker
Matthew Smith as Darth Vapour, Mouldy-Bun Baloney and Pooey the Wookiee
Stanley Brain as Number Two, Ham Slowmo

Written and produced by Matthew Smith

“Tilt Ya Head Back” - by Nelly

Auditions are now open for the roll of Guybrush Threepwood!

Nightlight Productions is in the process of assembling a radio play called ‘Beneath Monkey Island’. Three parts are in the can, and the majority of the remainder are recorded. All that remains is to find someone to play Guybrush Threepwood.

What’s that, I hear you say? You’ve always wanted to go on a swashbuckling adventure? Well here’s your chance!

Simply record your best effort as Guybrush Threepwood’s voice. Make your recording clear and crisp as possible. Then send them on to galactichand@hotmail.com! Who knows what adventures may await you! Don’t forget to catch up on the first three parts of Beneath Monkey Island in the radio series page, to jog your memory!

You don’t know exactly what to say? Here are some handy audition lines for you, with many thanks to Shadriss in his debute roll as the French pirate, Sir Creigh Blue!

Guybrush: People consider my fists to be lethal weapons!

Creigh: I’m sowwy, but your bweath should be equawy weckoned!

Guybrush: My what should be what what?

Creigh: I got this scar on my face duwing a mighty stwuggle!

Guybrush: Errr… what’s a stwuggle?

and finally…

Guybrush: I’m Guybrush Threepwood, a mighty pirate! Yarrrrr!

‘The Saga? Continuing. Right Here.’

There is no rebel base on Pantooine, and Darth Vapour feels hurt and betrayed by Princess Leer. Meanwhile Lube Skystalker and Mouldy-Bun Baloney are escaping on the Millennium Compliant, with Ham Slowmo and a Wookiee named Pooey!

Starring:
Lawrence Aitchison as Narrator, Lube Skystalker
Matthew Smith as Darth Vapour, Mouldy-Bun Baloney and Pooey the Wookiee
Stanley Brain as Number Two, Ham Slowmo

Written and produced by Matthew Smith

“Heya” - by Outkast

The song is about Richard Marsland (the panel operator on ‘Get This’) and was played while a support rally for the show was on the streets outside the studios.

So please enjoy this bit of self indulgence, which has nothing to do with anything Nightlight except it’s me.

That will be all.

‘The Saga Continues to Continue…’

Lube and Mouldy-Bun Baloney use a convenient mind trick to get past a stormblooper patrol. Darth Vapour shows his dark side, and unleashes his fury on the planet Alderdamn!

Starring:
Lawrence Aitchison as Narrator, Lube Skystalker
Matthew Smith as Darth Vapour, Mouldy-Bun Baloney, See Creepio
Stanley Brain as Number Two, Stormblooper guard
Sarah Farley as Princess Leer

Written and produced by Matthew Smith

“Nasty Girl” - by Nitty

‘The Saga Continues…’

A long time ago in a galaxy basically just around the corner in the grand scheme of things, it is a period of civil war. During the mighty battle, rebel spies manage to steal the secret plan to the empire’s ultimate weapon: the Dud Star, an intergalactic fast food restaurant complete with warp drive and shiny new seats. When they ask you if you want fries with that, I highly recommend you say ‘yes please’.

Starring:
Lawrence Aitchison as Narrator, Lube Skystalker
Matthew Smith as Darth Vapour, Mouldy-Bun Baloney, See Creepio
Stanley Brain as Number Two
Sarah Farley as Princess Leer

Written and produced by Matthew Smith

“Yeah!” by Usher

Miguel, Death, Number Two and Tomas make their way across the River of Blood to the Gates of the Afterlife. Number Two finally completes his purpose, which he has been complaining about for the past however many parts.

Starring:
Lawrence Aitchison as Miguel Huesos
Matthew Smith as Tomas ‘Red’ Encion
Stanley Brain as Number Two and Valora DeCazador
Stuart Moncrieff as Death

Written and produced by Matthew Smith

And also this link, which is Nightlight circa early 2005.

Slightly worrying that I was still talking about Beneath Monkey Island at that time. Part 4 will hopefully come one day…

Miguel, Death, Number Two and Tomas finally manage to evade the pygmy headhunters, and are finally drawn towards the volcano on Isla Calavera, which is the only possible source of the ‘River of Blood’… (well, there is one other, but Number Two isn’t exactly proving co-operative).

Starring:
Lawrence Aitchison as Miguel Huesos
Matthew Smith as Tomas ‘Red’ Encion
Stanley Brain as Number Two and Valora DeCazador
Stuart Moncrieff as Death

Written and produced by Matthew Smith

With Death captured by headhunters on Isla Calavera, Number Two and Tomas Encion act as a diversion, giving Miguel the opportunity to sneak into the village and rescue him!

Starring:
Lawrence Aitchison as Miguel Huesos
Matthew Smith as Tomas ‘Red’ Encion
Stanley Brain as Number Two and Valora DeCazador
Stuart Moncrieff as Death

Written and produced by Matthew Smith

1. Finish the Tierra de los Muertos book
4. Pay more attention to Nightlight
5. Lose weight
7. Sleep naked in a hammock
9. Promote world peace

Three of those, I’m glad to say (or slightly worried to say, in the case of sleeping naked in a hammock) I can safely cross off. Promoting world peace wasn’t all that successful, and as for Nightlight… poor, neglected Nightlight.

So this year, I have three resolutions. You ready? I’m determined to keep these.

1. Tierra de los Muertos gets published (Might not be able to keep, but sure, I’m going to do everything I can)
2. Nightlight is no longer going to be neglected
3. Worry less, and be happy

I don’t know entirely how the second one is going to be fulfilled yet - at times, the progress of Nightlight (notably Beneath Monkey Island, presently) is a little out of my hands, plus living in Melbourne puts me pretty much out of the support zone as far as getting new material recorded easily. But it occurs to me that where there’s a will, there’s a way, even if it means booking myself into a recording studio for an hour or so down here and recording a new, original series by myself. Might be limited in the characters and voices, but I’m sure it’s workable.

So the light isn’t going out. And hopefully, I’m gonna let it shine…

And so I spent the majority of Christmas day sitting in front of the television watching Magnum P.I. in a Hawaiian shirt. I’d long since resigned to the fact that I was too poor to fly to my family for the holiday, and somehow had worked myself up to actually look forward to the bizarre method of celebration. Tom Sellick is definitely a quieter, less stressful person to spend Christmas with than anything else I’d ever experienced.

After a while, text messages started trickling through to my phone. I was out of credit and unable to reply, but I appreciated it all the same. So to those dropped me a line, my love to all five of you, if you read this. Heck, I’ll even extend it to the two people who are not in my phone, who I have no idea to the identity of, but still thought enough of me to send these:

“Merry christmas honey.. And have a safe and happy new year..! XOX”

Bit of a mystery, because ‘honey’ would indicate I’m familiar with her in some way shape or form. I’m assuming it’s a ‘her’. I’m hoping. Then there’s the second one, who should maybe seek some psychiatric help. But hey, the sentiments are appreciated.

“Merry christmas boys! Happy anti-muslim day! May baby Jesus smite his enemies on his bday! I like to think as jesus as a ninja fighting off evil samarai”

Any weird text message contents do not reflect the opinions of myself or anyone who considers themselves amongst the Nightlight crew. I’d better make that point clear before the website ends up at war with another country. Really, one is enough.

Christmas love to all. Yes, even to you, China. Be well.

The Howard Christmas Carol

The Evil Doctor Beazley and Number Two narrate a story that takes place on Christmas eve, when Prime Minister John Howard finds himself bad tempered and all alone. It’s up to the three spirits of Christmas to show him the error of his ways and what the holiday season means to others!

Starring:
Matthew Smith as John Howard, Alexander Downer, Mr. Bigglesworth, and Pauline Hanson
Stuart Moncrieff as the Evil Doctor Beazley, Jesus, and Death
Stanley Brain as Number Two and Peter Costello

Written by Matthew Smith
Produced by Stuart Moncrieff

As a special Christmas Bonus, the smash hit single ‘You’ve Got a Friend in Me’ performed by Dr. Beazley and Number Two!

Starring:
Lawrence Aitchison as Miguel Huesos
Matthew Smith as Tomas ‘Red’ Encion
Stanley Brain as Number Two & Valora DeCazador
Stuart Moncrieff as Death
Guillermo Fiori as Pilot

Written and produced by Matthew Smith

China, as I’m sure that many of you are aware, has a one child policy. Recently they’ve come up with slogans to try and help people see the good side of this policy, and those slogans… well… they haven’t exactly been popular. The light hearted nature of ‘raise fewer babies, but more piggies’ has been lost on the Chinese. And can you blame them? They’re not used to their government being light hearted. They’re accustomed to their government banning innocent comedy websites.

So in an effort to maybe repair some of the bridges I’ve burnt, I’m willing to help China out. China, here’s some slogans you may want to try to help promote this ‘one-child’ malarky.

‘Hey, you on the bike, stop breeding!’
‘I wouldn’t have any more kids… for all the tea round here!’
‘More kids equal less rice for everyone concerned!’
‘1.32 billion people. A fifth of the world. That should do it, we’ve got it covered now!’

You don’t have to thank me right away!

Cast adrift in the Empty Sea, Miguel, Number Two, and Tomas are rescued by a shashbuckling adventure who is on his own quest for the far off distant land of Isla Calavera!

Starring:
Lawrence Aitchison as Miguel Huesos
Matthew Smith as Tomas ‘Red’ Encion
Stanley Brain as Number Two
Stuart Moncrieff as Death

Written and produced by Matthew Smith

Nothing much is going to change on Nightlight. There’ll be updates still, there’ll be fun, there’ll be podcasts. So from your perspective, little will change. Although for me… I’ll be living on the other side of the country, backpacker style. I have what I need - clothes, a macbook, and a guitar. And I couldn’t be looking forward to it any more than I am.

So for those who talk to me on messenger, I might be a bit scarce for quite a while. But hey, you all have facebook, don’t you? If not, why not? I’m on there. There’s a Nightlight Productions group on there as well. Go and join the fun and catch up on my escapades. Facebook is a wonderful thing for that, as well as other things. Incidentally, happy birthday, Limpy. All my love, in a totally manly way, in your general direction!

Miguel, Tomas, and Number Two depart on their aquatic adventure to the far off distant land of Isla Calavera. Death appears before they leave with a final (and sincere) offer of help.

Starring:
Lawrence Aitchison as Miguel Huesos
Matthew Smith as Tomas ‘Red’ Encion
Stanley Brain as Number Two
Stuart Moncrieff as Death

Written and produced by Matthew Smith

Miguel takes Tomas and Number Two to see the Great Sage, who provides a final bit of vital exposition, and points them in the right direction of the Gates of the Afterlife, which lie on the lost Isla Calavera!

Starring:
Lawrence Aitchison as Miguel Huesos
Matthew Smith as Tomas ‘Red’ Encion
Stanley Brain as Number Two
Godfrey Tanner as The Great Sage
Stuart Moncrieff as Death
Casey Scott as Avegail Cervantes

Written and produced by Matthew Smith